losing.

There’s always going to be another mountain I’m always going to wanna make it move, always going to be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m going to have to lose”

That last word of this amazingly beautiful song has never been allowed to enter my mind. It seems to me that if I acknowledged that ending part, it would mean I would be giving up on my dream, my desire, the peak of that mountain. It has been a struggle for the pass two years and yes, it is somewhat easier to understand the situation I am in now but somtimes, the slightest word or thing triggers that big space in my heart and tears start flowing down. It can be so frustrating not being able to achieve your dream- having to wait for a long more while, to have to do something else besides what makes you so genuinely happy- that hurts like hell. Most of the time, it hurts more than a betrayal of a friend or a love one. Yes, it really means that much to me.

But this post isn’t about me ranting over and over again how much I j’adore my dream, how much I desire to see it come true right now. No, it is about me accepting where I am right now and what I will be doing for the next three years; studying in Monash University. As much as I hate the thought of it, but like the song says “sometimes I’m going to have to lose” but then again as the song continues “it’s not about how fast I get there, it’s about the climb.” I learned from watching Hannah Montana, the movie again that I have to accept where God has placed me for now- He knows what He’s doing. Maybe I’m not ready (though I feel so ready) but He knows me best (as cheesy as that sounds, that’s the truth. He created and mould me, so He does know me best.)

1st March 2010 marks the real beginning of where I will be for the next three years, a nightmare which will eventually subside into a wonderful experience and then I’ll be able to achieve my dream. Psych, International Studies and Gender Studies are all super interesting subjects that I have always thought of studying but they are nowhere near the place E has in my heart.

“I have got to be strong. I have got to keep fighting, keep climbing and keep the faith.”

-chelle-