G asked me once during service, "God or Egypt?" I didn't give her an immediate answer because in my head I said "God" and I knew that my heart said "Egypt." I guess it is easier said than done. I love God and want to grow closer with Him etc but at the same time I just know deep down inside of me, I need to study Egyptology.
I have always seen myself studying Egyptology as a part of what I need to do in my life but today, during youth worship, it struck me 'what if God doesn't want me to study Egyptology now?'. Analysing the situation in various angles, it is almost impossible to study it now. As much as I can dream and work hard for it, it is literally almost impossible and then I tune my mind to think realistically what are my options. Simple answer: "to do what I planned to do in the first place and that is to study Law and *cross fingers* do my final year in UK."
What frustrates, confuses and upsets me is that I love this subject so much (like literally more than cars and gorgeous looking blue eye guys and (this last bit amy be a little harsh but I'm being honest) more than half of my friends)and it is really one of my biggest goals in life that I just know that I need to fulfill before dying, then the thought arises, "Why does God not grant me what I truly really want?"
Is it a part of His bigger plan for my life? From today's youth worship and yesterday's YAC discussion, I realised that I must prepare myself to say to Him, "Let Your will be done." As much as it pains me to think about it now but at the end of the day He comes before Egypt right? That is the way I want it but there is always something that is going to come between Him and I and it is up to me to decide.
Why do I have to make such a decision?
-chelle-
2 comments:
Sometimes I don't know which is worse...this or not knowing at all.
:) I really miss you. Feel like going out hang kai or yumcha.
missing you too girl! *hugs* I hope everything is going well for you.
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