When all doors are closed, find for a window- regardless of how small it maybe- and work from that point onwards.

I know that He is the one who decides my future and I guess it is just a person with Controller's personality that needs to be in control and plan for her own future. I want to do what He wants me to do but sometimes all the time I wish so hard that what He wants for me is what I want for myself.

The pain is unexplainable. The passion remains stronger than ever.

If now isn't the right time, then I guess I have no choice but to take that stupid window.

I still am holding onto my dream and I am going to transform that dream into a reality sooner or later.


Hold my hand
Lead me to
Where You want me to be.

-a broken heart chelle-

*melts*

Guess what these four men have in common:

Eric Winter (Ugly Truth)

Chace Crawford (Gossip Girl)

David Henrie (WOWP)

Ben Barnes (Dorian Gray)

Answer: those gorgeous pair of EYES! (especially the last one)

I believe that eyes truly are the window to a person's soul.


Sorry, just had to blog about this. Too bad they are either taken or a little too old (hmmm....#3 is single and a year older only. hehe.)

And I guess we're really over, but come over, I'm not over it
Late night you make me feel like I'm desperate, I'm not desperate
A little bit possessive,  little miss obsessive
Can't get over it now...

-chelle-

more pictures.

for those who don't know, this is actually for babies.

Me: mummy, can I buy this? Please!

Mummy: you baby is it? no.

Me: *quitely walk away and put back on the shelf.*

kind of like my hairstyle here. what do you think?

tuning into: little miss obsessive- ashlee simpson.

-chelle-

The Ugly Truth.

This is how my fringe actually looks like....*cries*

I've got good news and bad news:

Bad news: Someone's aunty just flew off to E for 11 days of wonder! Thanks J! =P

Good news: Someone said I dressed like an archaeologist today. Thank you MY! =D

-chelle-

*screams*

I hate this feeling of knowing what you are made to do and yet incapable of making that happen.

Stupid feeling!!!!

It seems so hard to make it come true now. G says "gotta pray hard now" so yes... pray pray pray.

I feel like giving up now and just go enrol with Monash now but no I can't! I know if I just let go know, I'll haunt myself after I die.

I have got to do all I can do to make this happen!

-chelle-

I have asked five times and the answer remains the same: NO.

Should I take that as an indication that maybe I'm not to go over or should I just look at it all as obstacles to which I am to overcome to get to the top?

It just frustrates me that I know exactly what I want to study and even more I know what I want to do in the future ie my career but more than half the people I know, get to study abroad without the slightest idea as to why they are studying that course or what they are going to do in the future. Eggheads!

At the same time, I do not want to be like someone I know who wants to go overseas so much that the person pushes the parents to allow him/her to go abroad even though they are financially worse off than me. That is just plain selfish and self-centred of that idiotic person.

I know people who deserve to be able to study what they want and yet they are in the same situation as I am- they study something else and they are struggling but their natural talent is screaming out loud yet the parents don't seem to acknowledge it. Sucks big time!

I want it, I want it, I want it, I NEED it!

-chelle-

And my ID and password says I'm a Malaysian- sucks!

Honestly one of the biggest idiots in the whole world is our Malaysian Education government:

http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/10/20/nation/20091020123215&sec=nation

Teaching Science and Maths in BM?! Yeah, I respect the fact that Malaysians should know how to speak in BM, hence BM as a language subject is necessary but teaching two subjects that are advancing so rapidly in the international world; which by the way donkey Malaysian Edu gov is taught in ENGLISH, in BM are just plain RIDICULOUS, STUPID AND INSENSITIVE to the younger generation who will suffer in the near future.

Oh yeah idiots, please send your children to the local schools and universities too and stop building RM 260 billion buildings and then complain about spending RM 5mil on education.

Seriously, just plain idiots the Malaysian Education government is. And yeah, I am working to get out of this freaking idiotic too backward country who doesn't even appreciate History. assholes!

People say you love history so much, you should know Malaysian history and be patriotic.
Oh boy people, I love Ancient History and I am patriotic...to Egypt and the Ancient World, not to a country that isn't even known to people in the Middle East!

-chelle-

Just watched 'Ugly Truth' and I actually identify with one of the characters; which has gotten me thinking again and the result will be me being emo for the rest of the night.

Stupid love stuff.

To say more would be to expose too much of myself and to allow that will just be an infringement of my own personal self.


to just be in your arms would definitely not make it better.


Wishing that you could be online right now, my Ancient Darling. (you seem to help get my mind off these lovey dovey emo stuff.)

-chelle-

To- do list for 17 Oct:

1. Wash filthy car. Done.

2. Bind books. Done.

3. Copy notes. Done.

4. Read Herodotus "Euterpe". Done.

Conclusion for today: Very, very productive day!

My course started about two weeks ago only but I already have four new books on Egypt! Wooohooo!

Ancient darling, it maybe 18 hours difference next year?! How? :(

you broke it and I hope you'll never have it again.

-chelle-

Noooooo! I'm suppose to be studying but my mind's on you and my eyes are closing and pooh is calling me to huggie him.....

Ok, tomorrow wake up early to wash car and study study!!

Happy birthday my adorable cousin, whom I keep thinking is my niece. hehe.

-chelle-

2 Es.

Okay, this post is dedicated to the two Es in me life: first is the one and only fluffy Esther who so willingly and wonderfully found this new skin for me and even installed and fixed everything for me. *squeals* oops...looks around...good no aunty or uncle looking at me weirdly. Haha. You definitely cheered me up, without a doubt!

Second, E!!! As in, E, the one I super duper love! I realised that yeah I love History but I enjoy and am more interested in Ancient History such as Egypt, Aztec, Mayans and Incas; really really interesting civilisations and their methods of killing!! *jumps up and down* If you are thinking I'm a little off already, wait until you read on. But what I truly enjoy studying and reading about is actually Ancient Mummies! Oh man! They are so beautiful and though some may not have had a pleasant death, hence, the tortured looks but whoa, to me, they are asleep more than dead. I love looking at them, reading about them and one day I'm going to investigate and do plenty of research on millions of mummies!!!

tuning into: Tick tock by Kesha feat P.Diddy.

P.S: truly bless to have such fantastic friends!!!!

-chelle-

"if you must, cry all you want tonight but tomorrow it's a closed chapter." ok I didn't cry. Lost my ability to cry over it but I am closing it up from today onwards and not going to talk about it anymore. oklar, occasionally sure got la. =p

I learned these pass few days that God has truly bless me with really, really great good friends: G, A and Darling seriously thank God for you guys! *hugs* Esther, my working buddy, even though I didn't tell you but you keeping me company while at work oops! secret's out! haha. *gives a fluffy hug* and lastly, I hope you read this, Cairo Museum thank you so much for setting up the "clickable mummy" site!!!!!!!

Truly blessed!!!!!


-siao chelle is back-

still in pain.

How is it that you and it can cause me this much pain?

When it gives you crap, God gives you Egypt!!!!!!

-chelle-

God-send remedies

through the pain, He sends people and things to make me happy.

-chelle-

If this is all it has to offer to me, I don't want even a single piece of it! It is really not worth my time, my confusion, my mind and most importantly, not worth my heart!


This is why E comes before it. E's worth my time, my mind, and all the pain my heart has to go through.
Not like it, E's pain is beneficial and worth everything!


How stupid can I be to fall for it every single time?! I wish that part of me will just shut down.


J, I know you said "self avoidance" but I rather be that than be broken.


my fragile heart is almost broken.


-chelle-

1-5.

1st: Esther, I love the two templates but I don't know why I can't download them. :(

2nd: Surprisingly, I can't study E while listening to lovey dovey songs-maybe because I'm in that confused, stupified mood.

3rd: How can you be so right about something so true about me without even knowing me well?

4th: "you always make me laugh and smile, my dear." Thanks darling! You made my day today.

5th: I want to go to Egypt now!!!!!!!

-chelle-

Heart break.

Gosh! I hate this feeling! To listen to them discuss about their personal experience- all of them have seen it face to face and a few are going over to that beautiful land sometime soon or again.

It is like not being able to see someone you love for AGES (for me, it's 19 years of separation.)

How they desribe the artefacts, the mummies, the...EVERYTHING makes me long to go to those places immediately- I want to be able to experience it all for myself right now!!!!

I wonder how much more this fragile heart can take.

-chelle-

When will we ever figure out what to do about 'us'?

How is it possible for me to know one thing 100% and another less than that when both involve my heart...

-chelle-

1 NO.

"Unfortunately UNICEF does not provide funds to individuals."

I took a shot and was sort of hoping for something but I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Though I didn't expect it to be this painful. Then again, if it doesn't hurt even just a little, I guess that dream means nothing to me then.

"There's always going to be an uphill battle and sometimes I'm going to lose....but it's the climb."

To know what your passion is and not being able to fulfill it, stinks and hurts like mad but to have friends who genuinely support my dream and desire to see me transform my dream into a reality makes the pain a little less.

-chelle-

Was talking to a friend and she was asking me about my online course etc.

Just a question to all me friends, "how many of you find joy in studying? do you guys wake up and are all excited about going to class? while reading or doing your assignment, do you guys enjoy it?"

She answered no to all except for human kinetics- I regretted asking her what that was about. Ugh bio!

My answer to the above questions is YES! I am overwhelmed with siao-ness and happiness when I get to study or do anything related to Egypt. Even though Herodotus wrote in a very different creative style but I'm still crazily excited to read through his book- to be able to understand how he viewed Egypt.

It is great to be able to study something that you want because the reaction to reading, doing assignment and exams is seriously different.

I drew a map of Egypt! I finally managed to actually draw something decent looking- will post it up next time.

-chelle-

The above shows what happens when a Panda and a Dragonfly cannot sleep and it is 3-4 am. Hehe.


You may be taking a huge risk at your future but as your bestie, you've got my support and love 100%.

-chelle-

Despite how tired I am when I wake up in the morning, when I turn out black baby 2 and log on to the specific page, I am suddenly wide awake and my heart starts beating a little faster while my stomach (along with the hungry sound) turns a little more...all because I will be able to talk to people with the same interest and at the same time learn more and more things about the one I love.


And every day that I log on, I am so deeply thankful to Him for helping me slowly transform my dream into reality.










































fyi: mine's the cleanest plate- that's what happens when we go eat seafood...stupid allergy!



-chelle-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!!!

Once again, she is my inspiration and role model to be a strong and independant woman.

Thank you for supporting my dream and for loving me always.

With everlasting love,

-chelle-

It is when I speak to Him that I remember it will always mean the world to me, although sometimes I feel that maybe I won't be able to go.




It is a dream that I will transform into a reality.

-chelle-

Above is one place I HAVE to visit before I die- like seriously if I could only opt to visit one place in the world, I would without a doubt choose this place.
It holds millions of beautiful artefacts that by just viewing them virtually has taken my breath away.


am enjoying the early morning doses of Egypt before starting my day. =D



Baby, why did you leave me
Why did you go
I was counting on forever
Now I will never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background....


-chelle-

Here we go again

It is so beautiful!!!!

Visited a few museums today and the artefacts...*gasp for air*. There is this one jewelry; which if I could find it,today, I would buy it and wear it. It is most certainly beautiful with its colours and carving all still in tact.

*jumps up and down*


On a more solemn mellow note:

How did you get here under my skin?
Swore that I would never let you back in
Should have known better than to let you go
Cause here we go again
Hard as I try, I know I can't win
Something about you is so addictive
Falling together
Here we go again.


-chelle-