I just feel like giving up- giving up the dream that I have always had. It seems to me that no matter how much I try, nothing works. The possibility is so slim that part of me says "just forget it and move on". I search and search but it all seems impossible or not worth the money. I know well enough that I will never forgive myself if I burden them and that is one major reason as to why I want a new path. However, I still can't. It is a dream that I want to transform into a reality; a reality that I can live in. I know that I have never wanted 'anything' so badly in my life- I'll give up all my material stuff for that and I'll work for it.
"You gave me one good reason to fight and never walk away".
'You': my parents and best friend, A.
They make me believe that I can still do it no matter how hard it may seem.
He says "listen to My voice and let Me guide your path."
That is what I just learned. I know it is going to be difficult to listen to His voice especially with all my thoughts and feelings rushing in and out, but I know that I want to.
Part of me prays so hard that what He wants for me is what I want for me but the other part knows that it is up to Him and that His plan is always and forever better.
amazingly, talking to Him reminds me that no matter how much I love E, He comes first because when I feel broken because of E, only He knows how to calm me down.
-chelle-
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